Your handwriting. the way you walk. which china pattern you choose. it’s all giving you away. everything you do shows your hand. everything is a self portrait. everything is a diary.
Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
Ask a veteran how boot camp was and you will hear “It was the funnest time I never want to have again.” And for me, a fellow veteran, this saying rang true. I hated and loved it.
My biggest issue with basic training was that I am S L O W. Like…I move at a snails pace 90% of the time. This does not translate well in fast paced environments, leading to a stressful and ostracizing experience. Your fellow battle buddies are only as fast as their slowest member, and when it’s you…a lot of frustration is thrown your way.
Alas, that’s how teams work- the slowest ones are the outsiders until the team can come together. It’s the psychology of a group, so there’s really no one to particularly blame.
I was the slow one, unfortunately. Which meant I slowed the flight down most of the time, and it made the pressure of boot camp heavy on my shoulders. However as I read about psychomotor skills in bipolar, I am starting to see that I am the way that I am due to this mental illness. Further therapy will confirm the timeline of what I have going on, but in my head I am correlating the two together. I believe my mental illness’ started in high school, personally.
Psychomotor Agitation is a common symptom of those with mood disorders. When you are feeling “up”, you move quickly. Your speech is accelerated, your energy has spiked and your feet feel light as you run around finishing projects your depression messed up.
On the flip side, when you are depressed, this can cause what is called Psychomotor Retardation. Your motor skills are slowed down. Your speech is slower, your feet drag, and your energy is spent quickly. Even time seems to move slower.
Psychomotor skills can affect those with other mental illness’…it’s not just bipolar. Schizophrenia, depression, and other mood disorders can show signs.
Do you have a slower team member, friend, or family member? Maybe instead of pointing it out that they are slow, try to understand that these individuals have very little control of their motor skills. For me personally, I do not like being slower, I damn sure didn’t choose it, so I get a little frustrated with the comments like “you are so slow” “Hurry up”, etc. Yo we are trying 😩😭
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-psychomotor-activity-380165
Undiagnosed 
I have bad psychomotor retardation with my depression. Speaking has gotten really hard because of it..
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can relate to you a lot with that, I have a hard time speaking out loud. I’m sorry you are having to deal with it, but know you are not alone!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to play hockey regularly. My diagnosis assisted me in some instances and hampered me in others. When up I was the fastest guy on the ice, when leveled out or down I felt I crept along at a snails pace.
I feel I can also relate from a writing perspective. I can write freely and rapidly with fun and intonation in my words when up. (Not that my grammar is any good) lol When down I struggle to express what I want to write and lose perspective of what I want to convey.
I appreciate your posts because they always inspire thought.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the feedback! I can imagine Hockey was difficult when you are feeling low, did you catch that you were down at the time? Or did your understanding come later?
LikeLike