The weather seemed to control my moods today instead of the medication. It was bright and sunny this afternoon, but now it’s snowing and cold. I was having a great day and then I was in my head with the intrusive thoughts. They’re back, I guess. And my head swirled with negative thinking that grew louder the more I fought back. By the end of the work day I was pretty low, but once I got home I have been feeling fine and dandy.
Fuck, these aren’t “the ones”.
This medication mix is not my stability in a bottle.
I realized that I had shown all of the signs of bipolar in the last month. When manic, I made impulsive and selfish decisions. Lately I feel the depression coming around…little sneaky bastard. With the medication I felt like these two were harder to detect because they felt softened.
In summary: these ain’t it.
Please remember that everyone experiences medication differently, and react differently. This is only my personal, non professional experience.
If you are experiencing periods of mania and periods of depression, please seek a professional for proper diagnosis. Even though this medication is not the right combination for me, they showed me a glimpse in the beginning to what mental stability can be like.
It is worth seeking.
Abilify information: https://www.abilify.com/
Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255
Image via the movie Fight Club
Undiagnosed 
Hopefully your cloudy mind will clear and let the sun in again. I use a blue light, incense, diffuser, meditation, water fountain, and a daily reader within my routines to try and ground myself. Some days all it takes more and some less. 85% of our success in dealing with mental illness is how we deal with real life. The foundation (15%) for me is proper meds. *not actual numbers just my way of expression
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Actually, you saying medication is the foundation really rang with me. Thank you for the perspective, I find it very valuable!
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