The way life ebbs and flows with the tide of time is amazing.
One minute you are doing good and the next you aren’t.
My medication is starting to help me balance my moods but life still happens, so navigating while medicated has been a learning experience. I still feel, and go through emotions. It’s just not so extreme now.
Lately I have been focusing on my negative mindset like letting go of bad thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. It’s harder than I thought it’d be, but I guess that’s expected when you’ve fed off of the bad for so long.
I just feel so…
Like I’m in the middle of a big change.
Abandoned to figure it out on my own.
2 thoughts on “Lost”
I needed to hear this today. For me, I call it being stuck. No momentum in any direction, and no idea which direction to go. It’s been this way for awhile. Months. Completely stuck to where I can’t accomplish even the tiniest of tasks. I finally had to come clean to my wife that I’ve been struggling really really hard with my mentals because I could see the disappointment in her eyes when she looked at me after coming home from a long days work to discover I’m still on the front porch where she left me, having rarely moved from that spot all day and having done nothing. Being seen as lazy or a loser was better than truly being seen until it wasn’t. Until I recognized the damage I was doing to our relationship, until I realized how I was changing in her eyes. I had to tell her the truth, that PTSD is a motherfucker, and that it wins out more often than I care to admit lately. That it has been kicking my ass on a daily basis for months now after years of being able to manage it. It was a difficult conversation but a necessary one. I’m not out of the woods yet but at least my wife is on my side now. That was a huge win in this current shitshow I’m experiencing. So, again, thank you for this post and for this space where I feel I can be honest.
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Gene, I’m so glad you feel comfortable enough to freely speak about your PTSD and was able to talk to your wife about it as well. I think it’s important for us to say how we feel so that we can get out of our own heads. PTSD is a fickle bitch and I truly hope you are able to come out of the water healed and motivated. I’m here for you!