OCD and Me

Did I lock the door? I need to check
Is that a new pimple? I need to get every pimple on my face off
I know I just washed this shirt, but I don’t know how long it’s been on this dirty floor. Just going to wash it again.

This might be a weird statement but…I love the number three. I want three kids one day, I will check the locks on my doors three times before I am comfortable enough to sleep, and if you look around my home, you might see three decorations lined in a specific way.

It is The Triad, being the number of the whole as it contains the beginning, a middle and an end. The power of three is universal and is the tripartide nature of the world as heaven, earth, and waters. It is human as body, soul and spirit.


I am unsure when this started for me, but I do know that in my past I have feared numbers. Sometimes bad things happen to me and my mind will find the number six attached to the negative event. On the flip-side, good things happen to me with the number seven nearby. For example, my vehicle was hit on June 6. My kid was due 05/17, but came on the 26th after an emergency C-Section due to distress. He spent six days in the NICU until we could take him home. My female dog, who had been in my life for nine years, died on Feb 6. Weird coincidences like that to name a few. I used to attribute it to angel numbers and spiritual guidance, and I do not think I was wrong, per say, but I did not see the reality of the behavior in order to attribute it to a real problem that I should get checked out.

Because of the past, I tend to do things and want things in threes sometimes. It’s a comfortable number.

OCD is a sneaky disorder that rides in on the curtails of other, more serious disorders. For me personally, it shows up in checking my doors three times before bed, picking my face for a long time before I either snap myself out of it, or a distraction comes along. It’s weird to need to do something in order to calm your brain, or else you start stressing out. It shows up in the brain like an unwelcome guest and their suitcased sob story that makes you feel bad for turning them away. But damn, life was calmer without them.

If you relate to this blog post more than you thought you would, please talk to a therapist or psychiatrist. Professionals are able to explain this disorder better, and since one of the complications of having this is suicide ideation, it is important that you receive proper help. Please reach out to me if you’d like to rant to a stranger as well, I am here for my readers.

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