If You Were Healthy

The FatRat – Rise Up

What would you do?

Would you exercise? Go on an adventure? Finish your homework? Organize your self made chaos?

Oh sorry…those were my thoughts.

I have big goals that I’ve always held myself back from. If I was completely healthy I have a list of things to do. Now that I am on medication and seemingly closer to stability (still haven’t determined if this is going to be the right combination) I have been able to get some things done this weekend. Small things like take a shower…I’m used to never showering on weekends 😬😅 I didn’t have the energy or motivation. I also accomplished big tasks: chores and homework. Usually I have to wait out my depression, create this huge mess and clean it up when I was feeling great.

This weekend I was able to complete a little bit of homework, and that is big because normally I wait until the last second, panic, and either fail or barely pull it off. I have failed too many classes, have gone to three colleges, and been on academic probation twice. My anxiety goes through the roof when I open up my homework. So much so, that I avoid it until there’s no longer a way to evade it, and it was like I could not control that anxiety and I could never concentrate on the screen. I hate being that way, and I hate everything that comes with it…but maybe on this medication I can be better. So far, I have been and it feels great.

I have always wanted a PhD in Neuropsychology in order to study the subconscious. Since all of my work has been in something else though, it might just be a pipe dream. But damn I’m trying and now maybe I have a chance to at least get this Bachelors in Psychology. Mental health has always been my interest, even more so now.

As far as living situation, it is my dream to build a homestead in the mountains on some land. I want all kinds of animals! Two horses, 1 or two cows, chickens, ducks, a peacock that just chills on the property and looks pretty like they do at all of the zoos I have been to. You know what I’m talking about…they just roam around and show off their goods to strangers and no one really f**ks with them. It’s like some mutual respect. Human brain says “You are pretty, I must not hurt” or something.

First I want to build a barn home, where it’s a stable on the bottom and an apartment on top. I found the website BarnPros.com long ago on my deployment and I fell in love. I would build this first to live in while the dream home is built. And once my kid is grown they can live in it or I could even rent it out. One day I will accomplish this dream, but mental health problems has made me life crazy until now. Right now, at this moment, I feel like I can accomplish it. It’s like all of a sudden…I can do anything I set my mind to. Literally and figuratively.

So these are my goals, and now they feel obtainable with patience and work. Tell me about your goals and dreams in the comments below!

Image URL:


Shadows of the Valley

One thought on “If You Were Healthy

  1. Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to stop hackers?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: