Somewhere In-between

I am feeling myself slipping

Down

Down

Down…

…Into the depression mess I have been so thankful to avoid. I feel like I got a lot done with this last boost of energy, like cleaned the house and tied up loose ends. I even made positive decisions this time, instead of following my impulses like overspending for Christmas or touch my small savings just to get what I want.

But the past few days I have been feeling so…mixed?

I have energy to complete tasks- I did some homework (full time student), cleaned the house, etc.

But at the same time, I’m feeling down. Ugly. Hopeless. Guilty. I couldn’t make myself shower or get out of the house. I had gotten tickets for my kid and I to see Spider-Man and at the last second, I canceled. I had plans to get my child a haircut and go shopping for some presents…and I could not get myself out the door.


This in between state is a blessing and a curse, I can get some goals completed, and some I can’t. I guess it’s all about the mental battle that comes with the task, and that’s hard for me to explain. I hear a lot of “if you set your mind to it, you can do it.” Or “why can’t you? It’s simple.” And they are right, so I cannot excuse my way out of the logic. I also find it hard to explain why I just don’t do the things I need to do, even though I know I need to do them.

I can only explain that some days I can, and some days I cannot. I won’t know until I wake up.

If you would like more information on mixed states in Bipolar patients, check this article out:

https://www.verywellmind.com/bipolar-disorder-mixed-features-380387

And if you can relate, let me know what it’s like for you in the comments section below!

2 thoughts on “Somewhere In-between

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    1. I apologize for the late reply, but I edited my links today after I realized my site was unfinished! You can follow me on wordpress, twitter, instagram, and soon tiktok! Please try adding the links in my about page and if they do not work, shoot me an email and I will get back to you with additional help. Thank you and have a great day!

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