Perfectly Paranoid

One day, I might be murdered. I have zero reason to believe this, but my mind states it as fact. For years I have had the recurring thought that somehow, someway, I am not safe…and I thought this was “normal”, like I just had these racing paranoid thoughts and people thought I was weird 🤷🏼‍♀️

Today I started to look into it more because of how I was feeling at work. A coworker seemed to be cold towards me and I could not figure out why, but I do not like confrontation AT ALL

“Even if there’s a FIRE!”

Will Ferrell, Stepbrothers

…all day I was in my head. Around and around the same thoughts spun…

“Why are they mad at me? What did I do? I bet people talk s**t about me. I bet everyone does. They probably think I’m making excuses for why I suck at this and that. They probably think I’m crazy. Stop, get out of your head. Go back to work. But why are they mad at me?”

Yo this 💩 is exhausting.

I read a few articles on paranoia and first of all- paranoia is not what I thought it was. I guess I attributed it (naively) to people scared of being caught for whatever actions they may have done. What it really is though, is a delusion of persecution. Paranoia can hit several different ways but at its core, you can see that it is a belief in something different than reality.

To me, it feels like I don’t see what is real. Like I can’t grasp it even though it’s right in front of me {Literally}. Sometimes I feel like I can’t trust my own thoughts and emotions, and if I dwell on it too much than I start to spiral. What I go through is mild compared to some, and for those individuals I tip my hat to you. Yall aren’t recognized enough for dealing with this. Now that I know about this, I am hoping I can catch it when it starts and get myself out of it with some kind of positive distraction.

Check out the article below if you want to learn more about the signs of paranoia. Always reach out to your support system if you are having a tough time.

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