In short, for myself, I am a hard act to follow.

― Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

She’s still there.

As the abilify builds up in my system, she has appeared. The other night I stayed up until 2 a.m. even though I was tired. I could not get her down until I caved and took my anxiety med. I was irritated that she came back when I was feeling so level before but…lo and behold. I feel it.

Mania is strange. I love the energy, the productivity, and the extra dopamine. Without the racing thoughts it is a plus. So to say mania is an unwelcome guest would be wrong, but she is one of those guests you like to see every once in awhile- not be a bad roommate. The disrupted sleep, constant energy flow and task jumping is exhausting.

Mania is the main indicator of Bipolar and is often not present when an individual might seek help. Bipolar disorder is hard to pinpoint because people often get help only for their depression, like I did. She’s a good actress because manic feels so good and unbeknownst to you- it’s not normal. I lived with this for so long thinking I was just weird, but an average human being.

Nay nay. It turned out to be Bipolar.
Not to mention the poopoo platter of other disorders.

If you experience patterns of behavior such as bouts of depression, quick mood swings, and levels of energy where you seem to “clean your depression mess“, I encourage you to seek a psychiatrist and therapist to properly diagnose you.

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