A Bipolar, Single Mother Kind of Life

It’s a snow day!
And I am in a good mood!

Those mornings that I wake up with energy, motivation, and happy thoughts are the best. I welcome them with open arms because that means if I can balance the day right, it will be an enjoyable one. It feels nice to get things done in good spirits, especially with today beginning 2022. The snow brightens the town with a smooth blanket, the Christmas tree I have not taken down yet shines just a little bit brighter, and it all just gives me a little bit more life.

I made cinnamon rolls, we played in the snow and I haven’t been having running thoughts. It’s nice for this calm.

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My child is four and, not to toot my own horn, but this kid is smart. Despite my own shortcomings, they have adjusted and seem to be an overall happy kiddo. Living alone for awhile has shown me not only my patterns, but of theirs as well. I have caught that they continuously repeat their want until I hear it. And since I jump from one task to another pretty often, my kid will refocus me on the task at hand by reminding me “Momma, I said I wanted this!”

This kid keeps me aligned.

When I am picking at my face (another post topic later 😭), I get so fixated on it that the world around me darkens. I’ll be there for a good thirty minutes until kiddo calls my name out of it.

As far as I have identified, the OCD shows up in face picking, obsessive cleaning when I have the energy, and a weird feeling where I have to complete a compulsion like thinking about something until I complete the task. The anxiety shows up by keeping me stuck in my home with running thoughts. So we don’t go to many places. The bipolar comes in small mood swings- sometimes I’ll over react on accident and apologize immediately after as well as educating the right response and how mine was wrong, as well as the ways I’ve described in previous posts. So living with me isn’t always easy, I would gather.

My baby is the one that gets me up and keeps me going. Anytime suicidal ideation comes up, I quickly remind myself of the reality of my kid missing their mother in their life. I am truly thankful for a kid that loves me regardless of my issues. It is the drive keeping me active in treating my issues in order to provide a better life for them.

I truly believe that it is a parent’s responsibility to treat their mental health seriously in order to be the parent their young ones deserve. We can’t heal society by perpetuating the trauma that caused our own illnesses.